Survival of the Sleep Deprived (aka Monsters Mommy)

Celebrations and Natural Disasters

2009-01-16T23:25:00.001-08:00

Jada's Birthday Cupcakes
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

What a few couple of weeks we've had!

My daughter had her 3rd birthday and I made some cute cupcakes for her class. My mom had her birthday too. I took them to Mama Stortini's in Sumner for dinner. That was fun. They exchanged presents and Jada was thrilled. She loves recieving gifts now, since Christmas just happened and now her birthday. She got very upset the day afte Christmas when there were no presents under the tree when she awoke. I had to explain several times to her that Santa only puts gifts under the tree on Christmas Day...and that he's be back, but it would be a long wait until then.

We also had several storms come through the northwest. We were inundated with snow and then rain. Christmas Day was a disaster for me. With Steve not here, I dont even think about the (now) obvious fact that if theres alot of snow outside, that one must shovel the snow out of the driveway. So when Christmas morning arrived and I packed baby and toddler in the car, I got the damned car stuck in snow/ice...half in the driveway and half out. Very frustrating...and embarrassing. It was really very bad. I thought that I could handle it, so I ran to the garage and got out a shovel and started shoveling away. Only problem was that our shovel is plastic for soft snow...not the ice that we had. I mean it was something like 6' of ice in crunchy walls around my tires. So then I thought maybe I could just throw some de-icer around and it would melt it. That didnt work. Then I got the little front door mat and stuck it in front of a wheel....that didnt work either. Eventually, I was knocking on peoples doors asking for someone, ANYONE, to help. And of course no one was around. I knocked on 4 doors and finally got a little old asian man to come out and help. He actually pushed my car out of the ruts. He then offered to shovel my driveway for me. The niceness of this one old man made me cry...I missed Steve a whole lot that day.

A few days later, there was a warning about another big drop of snow...or maybe it was just before Christmas...

Anyhow, that was huge and I couldnt get out of house then. My mom came and picked me up.

So when theres alot of snow, it has to melt. That melting plus a ton of rain from Hawaii caused huge flooding. Ugh...I live on a hill, so that was good. Its just that all the roads to GET home were flooded. Ha! Evacuations in all the towns surrounding me were advised and a road a block away was closed off due to landslides. Exciting!

Winter Has Arrived

2008-12-21T21:56:00.001-08:00

First Snowfall 12/14/2008
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

Let there be snow!

We are literally snowed in. For Washington standards, that is. My apple trees have snow almost all the way up to the first branches! Wow....thats rare in the northwest, where we're used to rain and misty mornings. Even in the winter.

I dont know why the backyard is so full of snow, but I think that really its only about 10 inches. Thats still alot, though. My mother and Dale stopped over to pic us up and take us to the mall so I could finish Christmas shopping. While here, Dale shoveled the walkway and put down some de-icer. Whew! I was going to sneak out and shovel it myself, but was soooo happy when they showed up to do it for me. There are alot of roads that are shut off or closed. The highways still have ice all over it and the main roads here in my little town were barely de-iced. Im not expected at work in the morning, so thats a relief. We've had snow all week and all the schools have been closed for snow days. That meant that we all brought our little ones to work with us, and we were just so unproductive. It was the longest week ever!

I took the Monster and M&M out in the back when the snow first came to play. Monster had a ball, but M&M did not like it one bit. I ended up letting the Monster play while I nursed the baby in the window. I only let her play for maybe 10 minutes due to how cold it was. Brrrr!

Its beautiful, but cold. We've been having a winter storm warning all weekend with "potentially dangerous" conditions. How exciting! I was so hyped up that I took the kids out to Walmart in the beginning of the storm to get candles, canned soup and extra stuff. That was stupid, because it was packed with others doing the same. M&M was super cranky and I was totally exhausted by the time we got home. And to make it even worse, the wind that we were expecting never showed up. We did get tons of snow though. Enough that I dont want to venture out in it. And Im not usually scared of a little snow on the roads.

So, speaking of the holidays. I bought myself a Roomba as a present. I love it to pieces. Its so handy and does a really good job of vacuuming. I let it go and while I bathe the Monster and put her to bed, she's (Ive named it Rosie) cleans the kitchen floor for me. The other day, I had it clean the Monsters room while I fed her dinner. Yay! I think thats the best way to multi-task. Its like a happy little surprise when I go back to that room and find a clean floor. Hee hee!

Well, can you believe that my little baby is 3 months old now? He's a huge boy. Somewhere around 17lbs now. Thats like 3lbs more than the average baby at this age. Thats quite alot when you put into account how little these babies are. Ive discovered that he's cow milk intolerant. He gets bloated and cries in pain. So bad, in fact, that I took him to the ER one weekend because he had been crying non-stop since 4am. Poor guy! I was so worried. I was sure he was going to have to be admitted. Turned out that he had a scratch on his eyeball, but that wasnt really the reason he was so uncomfortable. It was the gas. Once he got out the gas, he was back to normal. I had eated some Costco ravioli with cheese and had a tummy ache for two days because of it (Im lactose intolerant). It was delicious!!! But the stomach ache was awful. Then M&M started fussing and was in so much pain, it was obvious that there was a connection. Especially when I had noticed months ago that if I ate a Blizzard from Dairy Queen, he would be fussy the next day too. No more dairy for me.

*sigh*

Well, Im super tired. Gotta rest my eyes...

Thanksgiving 2008

2008-11-28T21:58:00.001-08:00

Thanksgiving 2008
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

I am thankful for:

*Two mostly good kids
*No stretchmarks
*A good husband that loves us
*A wonderful job that allows me to bring my babies to work
*A best friend that will always be there
*One great pair of Levi's
*And a baby that lets me sleep at night

So, Steve called earlier this week and we got to talk in the morning. That was great. Monster was able to talk to him too and thats super important. He had to do a mission on Turkey Day so he wanted to make sure he got to wish us a good Thanksgiving. It must be hard to miss your home cooking turkey and whatnot...to be away for the holidays. At least I have my family here, and am busy and distracted by a new baby to miss Steve as much as I did last time around. The holidays are a hard time for me usually....but they're getting better.

I miss my dad.

So M&M is getting bigger and bigger. He's hit the 15lb mark at 10 weeks. Its amazing. He's so aware and smiley now, but still sleeping great. Thank heavens. At least somethings going my way.

Monster is getting sick again and hasnt let up on the naughtiness. Im getting to the point where Im starting to take it personal even though I know I shouldnt. This is a time where toddlers start asserting their independance and begin to pull away from the parents. It sucks though. If she catches me watching her, she lowers head and scowls at me. Sometimes she'll say, "Stop it, Momma!" What the heck? What'd I do? She has attempted to put me in time out, has started swinging at me as if to hit and is just all around grumpy.

I hate toddlers.

Naughtiness

2008-11-21T22:57:00.001-08:00

"The Lip"
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

Where, oh where has my little girl gone? Where, oh where has she goooone?

My little princess is now an evil little monster. I have indigestion because of tonites wonderful display of a two year old tantrums.

I swear my little girl has been possessed for the last month. Tonite, though, was one of the worst I have ever had gthe displeasue of experiencing. She was totally negative. She would sob that she needed or wanted something, only to yell "No!" when I tried to give it to her. She would say she wanted one thing, only to throw a fit and deny it, demanding the opposite. It was getting all so confusing. It started at bath time, as it has for the last week or so. To make a long story short, I had to suds her up while she stood in the tub threatening to whack me in the face, all the while crying and yelling. Then I had to scoop her up and carry her to her room, where she proceeded to run away naked from me, demanding that I stop drying her off. She usually has a lot of dramatics and makes a big show being "freezing" after a bath....so that was ingteresting to see her wet and naked running away from me.

After going round and round with her wants and suddenly different wants, I left her in her room with a crooked diaper and her nightlight. She proceeded to wail as loudly as she could while opening the door just so that it wasnt latched anymore. She would then cry and yell, "Wait, momma!!! Waiiiiiit.....!" I did the song and dance of going in every few minutes to ask if she wanted to apologize for kicking me and if she was ready for a story and song, but she'd suddenly change her tune again and deny talking to me. It was all very exhausting. After about an hour of this tantrum, I finally got her to settle down enough to sigt in my lap with her stuffed dog and a blanket. I talked with her about her feelings and how hard it must be to be a big sister. I let her know that I loved her even when she was having meltdowns and that I knew how hard she was working to be a good girl. She settled enough for me to sing ehr a couple of songs and put her to bed.

She used to go down soooo well. No tears, no stalling, nothing. But I know that she hasnt been very good at napping at daycare lately and I wonder if she's just melting down by the time we get home. She's probably really tired, mentally and emotionally. Not to mention the stress of daddy being gone and having the new baby here.

I just wish she would quit being so naughty....

*sigh*

Amazing

2008-11-08T22:30:00.001-08:00

Hunter at Work
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

I did two amazing things today.

I went to the gym...AND I took a hot bath. With no kids interrupting. Yes, It happened and with no babysitters involved either.

I timed nursing (not very well, though) with going to the gym and prepped my monster as best as I could. Ive never gone before because even the mere idea of begin left with strangers caused such an uproar with her that it was best to just skip working out for peace. Well, now that she's been going to daycare and is somewhat more brave, I thought that this would be a good timet o try again. So, off we went and it turned out way better than expected. My monster nervously stood in the middle of the play room next to M&M's carseat until I left the room to go find a free treadmill. I had to come back early because M&M was crying hungrily (according to the 16 year old girl that was working the room). I decided to just call it a workout and head home. It worked out wonderfully! I got almost 45 minutes of excercise in, which is better than anything Ive done in the last year. I feel sore already.

As for the bath. Well, M&M has been sleeping alot today due to him being up in the night trying to poop and fart, so I hopped right in the tub as soon as the monster went to bed. I just kept the door ajar so I could hear M&M in case he stirred while sleeping soundly in the swing. Our house isnt big enough that I wouldnt be able to hear him. Yay! I feel wonderful.

The monster and I even made Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins. Mmmm!

Oh, and Steve finally called. I last heard from him on Monday, so that was nice. We got to talk for awhile since it was nap time and everyone was asleep. I attempted to awake the Monster but she was cranky and didnt want to talk to him. He understood but I could tell it hurt him a tad. Oh well. She's two.

Okay, so Id better go. I still need to do the dishes and its super late.

Slugging Along

2008-11-07T21:39:00.001-08:00

Playing
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

Im super sluggish and tired. All day long. I need to sleep more than the 6 or so hours Ive been getting. I need to do the dishes, do the laundry, vacuum, mow the lawn, clean my room, declutter and thin out the kids room. I dont know how it will ever get done...but it must. I also want to go to the gym. Iven begun eating awful. Ever since the new gal started at the office. She's a bad influence.

I finally had my post partum appointment with Pearl Place. Ive got the okay to do the deed...except that the deed wont occur for another 10 months. Maybe 9? I also took M&M to his newborn hearing test today, since he hadnt had one yet. He can hear.

Steve had his birthday the other day and I waited around hoping he'd call. The last time I spoke with him, he had just arrived in Iraq and said that he'd try to call on the 5th, but it didnt happen. I almost wonder if he chose to not call on purpose because the last couple of times he's called, Ive been at work trying to nurse and/or not talk too loudly while my mom and our MA worked. I just wonder if I didnt sound enthused enough for him or happy to hear from him. I am TOTALLY happy to hear from him, but sometimes, its hard to get your bearing with a newborn headbutting your breasts trying to get the nipple in his mouth.

Anyhow, I made a Rated G video for him (I have to have more sleep and be more motivated to do a XXX one).

Oh, before I end this little mind-regurgitation, I wanted to mention a little something about my thoughts on the election. Besides being totally pissed off that, under the fogginess of being a single mother with two kids, I somehow missed the dates of when voting for our new prez occured. Somehow I thought that the last day of voting was the first day. I hadnt watched the news much and apparently wasnt scanning MSN enough, because I was clueless. So, when the 4th arrived, I enthusiastically told everyone how I was gonna go and vote sometime soon, not realizing that if I didnt vote by the end of the day, I wouldnt be voting at ALL!

Well, as I should have expected, there was an emergency and I ended up having to go rescue some dogs from a car on Madigan at the end of the day, and then rescue my baby and toddler from my coworkers...and by the time I could breathe normally again, they announced that Obama had won. I canNOT believe that I didnt vote at one of the most historic presidential elections ever....whether Obama won or McCain, it would have been monumental.

I suck as an American.

Super Quick Mind Dump

2008-10-29T22:24:00.001-07:00

Pumpkin Hats
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

Okay...

M&M is 6 weeks now and weighing in at a whopping 12 lbs. and some ounces....Wow! He's growing rapidly. Im sure he'll be 13lbs. tomorrow.

The Monster is living up to her name and having daily tantrums. Either first thing in the morning or just before bath time. Ugh. Im having a darned of a time juggling the evening rituals with a newborn in the house crying at all the wrong moments. The Monster also cries her head off in such a way that now upsets M&M. So not only do I have a two year old throwing a fit, I have a precious little baby wailing pitifully too. It just never ends.

I know that my little Monster is finally over the honeymoon and feeling the effects of Daddy not being home and not having somone (me) playing with her whenever she wants. Not only that, but Im feeling desperate to potty train due to her approaching third birthday. I know you should never do the whole potty training thing during transitions...but honestly, I feel like our life is always going to be in some sort of transition!

Anyhow, I miss my sweet little girl.

Steve is in Kuwait now and will be heading to his post in Iraq at some unknown date. I havent heard from him since Monday. *sad face* I expect to hear from him soon...Im not worried.

Well, I need to rest my eyes...

And the Deployment Begins...For Real.

2008-10-19T21:44:00.001-07:00

3 Weeks Post Partum
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

So, my hubby leaves in a day or two out of the country. He's been in Ft. McCoy for about two months now, even though this is considered part of the deployment. That makes me happy. That means that he wont be in country for as long as he was last time he was deployed. Ill take what I can get in the positive department.

Moving on to other things...its been 5 weeks since M&M arrived so harmoniously into this world. He had his one month visit to the pediatrician (which is his grandmother) and is growing nicely. He's in the 75the percentile and getting bigger every day. I guess he WAS destined to be a big boy...the midwives were right. The monster and I have been butting heads lately. She's getting totally negative.... I had hoped to bypass the "NO" stage, but apparently its here.

I think that the visit to the park last week was a sure sign that even worse is to come. To try and curb that, my mother offered to watch M&M for awhile so I could do something with the monster. I took her up ont he offer! The monster and I went to see Wall*E at the Blue Mouse in Tacoma. It was a cute movie and I think she liked it. It was nice to do something one on one and spend some time together. I had missed her and I think she benifited from the outing as well. She dressed herself in her shiny pink sequined shoes and a dress with her new pumpkin hat from my aunt. My monster sure has style.

Well, I must get some much needed rest. The monsters asleep and so is M&M. I still have to pack lunches and move some laundry along.

Im so sleep deprived...

Lesson 1...

2008-10-12T21:36:00.001-07:00

Day at the Park
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

Lesson of the weekend: DO NOT GAMBLE WITH NAPTIME...IF YOU THINK YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN JUST PUSH IT UNTIL LATER, THINK AGAIN.

I promised a little someone that Id take her to the park...and being that we have a newborn in the home (and are minus one parent) we got out of the house a little later than expected. I figured that we'd play and get tuckered out and then have a late nap. Well...let me tell you. My theory of how the day would go did not go as planned. Not even loosely.

We excitedly arrived at a cool park I knew of and thus began our adventure on a cheery note. As I got our little bundle of joy into my brand new Moby, I got myself somewhat tangled up...the Monster waited as patiently as any two year old could...Once I was sufficiently wrapped and the baby tucked in nicely, I got out the Monster and we trotted off happily towards the lake. I figured we'd get to the play area last, since it was closer to the car...

As soon as we get down to the lake, Mini Monster starts up a racket so loud, the birds are flying away startled...I insist that we go back to the car and nurse him and intice the Monster with a snack. She follows warily. Once we get where its warm and I can nurse somewhat comfortably, Mini Monster (aka M&M) lets us know why he's so cranky by farting and pooping like Ive only known his father to. Changing a baby in the front seat of a honda with a toddler jumping from front to back is a challenge.

We eventually get out and head back to the lake and then up to the play area with only a couple of protests from M&M. The Monster is thrilled to see the shiny new big toys they built at this park and climbs up and around as fearlessly as any mostly-shy two year old does. Which is to say that she climbed up and then promptly climbed back down once she saw all the other bigger kids running around her.

When it was time to go, I did the usual warning. "5 minutes!"..."Okay, 3 more minutes, sweety!"...."Time to go!" ...."No, no....I said we're going now!"...."Alrighty then! Bye! See ya later....Im going now!" And of course, she didnt come.

When I finally get the crying and snotty little girl (my Monster) to the car, she's arching her back in a horrible way, forcing me to shove her back into the seat just to buckle her in. She proceeded to have a strapped in tantrum all the way home and into her room....for the dreaded nap...

She did not nap.

Lesson learned.

Another Monster Has Arrived!

2008-09-27T14:21:00.001-07:00

Baby Hunter!
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

It's been awhile and I meant to blog about the birth of our second monster earlier, but juggling newborn abd toddler has been tricky. timing is everything, and I certainly am still learning.

The Monster and I went to the Puyallup Fair Sunday the 14th. We met up with my girlfriend and her family so we could, theoretically, take the munchkins into the kiddie area and let them ride rides. Only problem was that her 1yr old wasnt aloud on anything and my monster was too chicken.

After about two hours or so, I had enough of the heat and the monster was getting whiny. We went home and both took a nap. When i awoke, I still felt tired and a little crampy, but went on with my evening...I still had three weeks until my due date! Later that night after the monster was asleep, I was still getting the crampy feelings but was still not convinced that they were true contractions. Steve had called from Ft. McCoy and we talked a bit. He wanted me to call the midwives and ask them for advice, but I thought (at the time) that it would be a waste of time to do so because it just didnt "feel" like it was time.

After I took a bath, I realized that the cramping was coming more often. Something like every 15 minutes. They werent painful or dramatic, but I texted my mom to let her know how I was feeling, but made sure I emphasized that it just couldnt be the real thing yet. I HAD JUST GONE TO THE FAIR....

I suddenly had the urge to clean the house, out of some fear that if this really was the real thing, my home was going to be awful to come back to with a newborn. And what if people came over to visit!? I cleaned the bathroom, did the dishes, ran loads of laundry (but never folded them) and vacuumed.

My mom started to sound a little panicked ont he phone and I wanted to laugh because she kept insisting that she was SURE this was the real thing and that I better quit moving around so much or Id make labor progress even sooner! She eventually came over about 1am and by then I was definately sure that I was having contractions. Ha! They were coming about 3 to 6 minutes apart. I still hadnt packed a labor bag...

We dropped off the monster, who seemed to know that it was time for me to "take baby Unter out", at my moms house and we went to the Birthing Inn. I had called Jutta Spikes, my Doula from Operation Special Delivery and the midwives already...

I labored for almost three hours at the Birthing Inn, in and out of the tub and on a birthing ball...then at 6:02am, I pushed Hunter Rokuro McCurdy out. Whew! The pushing took no more than 10 minutes and we were done. Thank the lord. I didnt tear and didnt need any medication.

Hunter was 7lbs and 20 1/2 inches long.

The Monster wanted to hold Mini Monster as soon as she saw him. It was absolutely adorable. She's such a good helper and is so sweet to him.

Im so lucky!!

Mind Dump

2008-09-13T21:15:00.001-07:00

Jada 2 1/2 yrs old
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

My Monster is growing up....*wistful sigh*

This last week, she's insisted on doing alot of things that I usually do herself. Such as dressing her, getting her out of the carseat, ect. So, things have been taking a bit longer than usual...which is okay. Its that time where toddlers discover that they can do things too.

In the picture I posted with this entry, she insisted on wearing a different shirt. One that, of course, didnt match the shorts I picked out. And she demanded on wearing her yellow headband and my old Mardi Gras beads. Lord....She is a handful sometimes.

As for the binky issue, its been going very well. she hasnt slept with itg since Wednesday night. I snipped it down to a point that she couldnt even keep it in her mouth without holding it there herself. And with it being around her in the bed, I think it was a horrible reminder that "it was too little". And therefore, she'd cry alot in the night. So, Thursday, I didnt mention the binky and somehow she forgot to gather it up with all of her bedtime things (sippy cup of water, whichever blanket she's chosen for the night and a "baby"). She slept wonderfully. In the morning, I rewarded her with Rolo chocolates. Im sure someone out there is going to chastise me for that, but I figured it was like the M&M thing for potty training. You give chocolate as the reward...I just happened to get Rolo's and not M&M's.

Anyhow, that worked great...and last night she slept great again, therefore earning her another Rolo. She even told her Papa that she was a big girl now and that her binky broke.

Well, on to other things...

I went to my midwives yesterday and apparently I havent progressed any. Too bad. But I knew beforehand that women can be dilated at a 1.5 for awhile, so Im trying not to be too disapointed. I had been having soem really uncomfortable BH's and so I was pretty sure that I had dilated some....or at least effaced some more. But, apparently, I was just gassy...

Ugh...3 weeks to go!

Dreams

2008-09-10T21:42:00.000-07:00

I had my first dream about my Dad since forever. I think its been a couple of years. I always worry that its a sign of something. Like he's worried. I had a hard time in my dream remembering if he was alive or dead and was sort of in shock, even while dreaming, that he was there.

I was in my bed when I heard the front door open and shut. Assuming it was Steve coming home (from his usual swing shift?) I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep like usual. I usually cant sleep once I know he's home, so I lay with my eyes closed and wait for him to come in the room and kiss me goodnight before he returns to the living room. Only this time, he was taking a long time, so I opened my eyes finally. And guess who it was? Dad. He was playfully crouched over a little peering at me with a smile at the end of the bed. And I of course sit up and was confused at seeing him.

It was still sort of dark in the room and I cant say I was happy to see my Dad. I think I was more embarrassed and confused, because I could not for the life of me, remember when the last time I saw him was. I knew he might have been dead, but it was hard to recall, you know? Very weird feeling. I eventually hugged him and we talked a bit. Although I cant remember right now what about...although it was sort of serious. Like something important.

Then Jada started whimpering in the baby monitor and I woke up.

My heart still hurts painfully thinking about my Dad. And I get really superstitious. I wonder if Jada sensed something, like his presence and thats why she cried out. It was around 3:30am this morning.

Alot of my dreams of Dad are of him telling me some important thing. Once it was him saying to "Its time..." I wish I could remember this conversation.

Binky Withdrawals Part II

2008-09-08T22:21:00.001-07:00

Happy Grandparents Day '08
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

Ugh....

Bedtime was not fun. Well, actually, most of yesterday was not fun. Once the monster awoke from her fitful nap (early!) she was crabby and whiny. Literally, from the moment she opened her eyes. *sigh*

We ran some errands, dropped off the artwork she made for Papa and Grandma Miki for Grandparents Day and then called it a night. Bedtime was a little hard, what with the "broken binky". She kept waking up and crying out, "Uh oh!!! UH OH, MOMMA....Broke!" Over and over again. I tried to not go in and soothe her too much, but I wanted to sleep. And getting her quiet is the easiest way for me to get some rest.

Well, at daycare today, I snipped her binky when she wasnt looking and let her teachers know. I was nervous all day thinking of how she probably didnt sleep and would be super moody and cranky when it was time for me to pick her up. When I did go and pick her up, her teachers said that she was fine and didnt even ask for her binky. Well what the heck!? They did say that she didnt sleep very long...and when she came out of her classroom, she was pretty tearful and told me she was sad.

Im pretty sure this moodiness is related to the binky removal process.

Well, tonites bedtime "fight" was worse than yesterdays. She had been telling me she was sad all afternoon and when I turned out her lights, she began wimpering. Crap. She had discovered the even smaller binky (I had snipped it down to almost nothing) and was unable to put herself to sleep. Eventually, she was crying out sadly that she missed Daddy. I totally believe she misses him and she's not necessarily being manipulative. And without her comforting binky, she is being forced to deal with all the unpleasant things she could mostly ignore before. So, with that said, I went in her room again and tried to comfort her and brought out the bear that Steve sent me when he was deployed last time. She hugged it but couldnt stop crying. Her little face would contort as if she were trying her best not to cry, but tears would pop out anyways. I finally got the phone out and called Steve. Thankfully he was able to answer and he talked to her for a bit. She wouldnt speak at first and started to cry some more and hide her face, like it was too difficult and made her hurt more inside...but eventually calmed herself enough to tell him about her binky issue and request a pink bear from him. I started to cry a bit at the end because it was just so heartbreaking. The whole thing. The binky AND the missing Daddy thing.

Steve would tell her he loved her, and then her face would contort a little and tears would spring from her little face. And she would say in her little toddler voice, "Me miss you, Daddy..."

Well, its just too much for an emotional pregnant woman. Thankfully her room was dark and she couldnt see the tears in my own eyes.

I hate deployments.

Surviving Binky Withdrawals

2008-09-06T14:41:00.001-07:00

Not Feeding Ducks- 7/29/07
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

I had been waiting for the right moment (in my mind, at least) to wean the monster from her beloved binky. She's 2 1/2 and its time. It was time awhile ago, I'll admit, but the timing wasnt right, due to so many new things happening. New daycare, Daddy deploying, changing to the "big girl bed", ect. But I only want to have to deal with one dramatic thing when the baby comes...and I've decided that will be toilet training. So, that meant that I had to get going with the binky removal.

Well, I had been mentally preparing myself for this weekend, when coincidentally, my mother brought to my attention that she thought the monster's tooth alignment was starting to change due to the binky habit. Well, that pretty much solidified my determination to start full on weaning asap. I had already brought it down to using a binky only when it was "night-night" time. And its been great for a couple of months. I've just been procrastinating on finishing the job.

So...last night, I made sure she was nice and sleepy and told her that the binky was gone. She didnt really fuss much, so I thought everything was perfect. I think it was just that she was already too exhausted to put up a fight. She slept through the night without waking and fussing, like she usually does. Well, at nap today, I figured it might be a little different...and it was. She fought me and fought me and cried her little eyes out and used every excuse she could think of to not take a nap. "I'm scared!", "Me want to sleep in Momma's bed!", "Me not tired!", "Sing a song, Momma...", "More story!", ect...

I had read a method of where you snip off the tip of the binky and pretend like the binky just broke. And somehow the child decides that its not as comforting to suck on and thus stops on her own. And each night, if your child still tries to suck ion it, you cut it a little more and the hole gets bigger and even less comforting.

So, after an hour and a half of listening to my monster cry and have mini tantrums in her bed, I found a binky and snipped it. I gave it to her and she instantly gasped. "Its broke! Fix it, Momma..." And I then feigned shock and sorrow for the broken binky, but insisted that there were no more binkies. I told her that she could hold the binky if that made her feel better. Then I left the room and after about 20 minutes, I could tell through the baby monitor that she had fallen asleep. When I checked on her, she had the binky in her mouth.

So, I suppose Ill snip it a little more before bedtime and see how that works. Supposedly, this method lasts about a week. Ill have to remember to take the binky from the daycare too and let them know what Im up to.

And since the monster is finally asleep, I need to finish nesting.....*snicker*

Getting Closer!

2008-09-04T21:56:00.001-07:00

Well, I went in to my midwives today and discovered that Im already dilating. Im apparently 50% effaced and dilated to 1.5 cm. Yay! Im almost done!

So, I sent out a mass text message as soon as I could to everyone, including to Steve who's still at Ft. McCoy before shipping out. Maybe an hour later, something clicked in me and I realized that Steve probably read my text and interpreted it as me telling him "its time!" Only women who've given birth before would know that you can be dilated for weeks before any real progress occurs. You can be 100% effaced for weeks too!

So I proceeded to boimbard his phone with calls, but he was in a place with no reception and wasnt able to pick up. I was imagining him running around trying to find his commander to let them know that I was in labor. Ha! Thats why I was frantically trying to get ahold of him. I didnt want him freaking out. But then my millions of calls might have made it look like I was frantically trying to call him to tell him that IT WAS time....so I botched it all up.

Anyways, I finally got through and he basically told me not to scare him like that again. Oops.

35 Weeks and Still Going....Barely.

2008-08-30T23:36:00.001-07:00

35 Weeks
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

Well, I have 5 weeks to go, plus or minus two weeks. I can hardly move and playing with my monster on the floor is nearly impossible. Although, I somehow end up on the floor many times a day. And she's now into the "Chase me, Mom!" thing. Ugh....

I've been having braxton hicks and sharp pains in my cervix for a couple days now. AND...get this! I have thrush! Ew! It doesnt hurt or anything, but my tongue is totally white. Im seriously glad Steves not here. I feel like my body is failing me and Ive become some gross abominable creature from the depths of disgustingness. I groan and moan like a beast when trying to move about. I leave dents in my legs and feet from the extra water retention if I sit on them. My nipples are the size of dinner plates and my tongue is white and furry. I have never felt sexier.

So, back to these pains in my hoohaw. I would not be surprised if I was dilating. At the office yesterday I noticed I felt like I had just had sex really rough-like. Where you're achy inside from the ramming...Well Im pretty sure I havent had any sex lately, considering my Steve-O is gone. And there has definately not been any "ramming" since the first trimester. TMI?

Anyhow, I have an appointment on Thursday and Ive already let my midwives know that Ive been uncomfortable and feeling the increase of BH's and the sharp pains. If it gets unbearable, then I should worry (according to them) but apparently, its "all normal, sweety..."

By the way, I spent somewhere around $250 in Walmart today getting things for the baby. I came to the scarey awareness the other day that I have not really bought the necessities for post-birth. No, coming home outfit, no breastpads or maxi's for all the fun after labor. I had no onesies or newborn socks or diapers or soap or ANYTHING....so, the monster and I picked out a bunch of crap. the monster was pretty well behaved the despite having another virus or something. She's coughing and snotty and has pink eye.

She's a mess. But a well behaved mess.

Prepping for Baby

2008-08-25T20:37:00.001-07:00

Deployment Day 8/18/08
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

I think the monster knows that theres a baby in my stomach! We went to meet the doula assigned to me through Operation Special Delivery. We met her at a great little cafe in Lakewood called Panera. While there, we asked the monster about the baby I was having and she nodded that she knew and said that "Baby Unter is in der..." while pointing at my roundness. Yay!

Speaking of the doula, so far she seems very nice and approachable and I feel comfortable enough with her to accept her help during labor. Thank goodness. She's from Germany and her husband is ex-military. She gave me a good site to look at called Spinning Babies that can help me make sure that this baby isnt goingto cause me to have back labor like the monster did. Ive pretty much come to the conclusion that this baby is facing slightly to my left, but his butt is far enough towards the front that I think he should be fine. I did a ton of excercises and even blew up a labor ball to lean on to help guide him more to the right position for laboring. If I make sure he's facing the right way, I feel like labor wont be as awful as it was last time. And seriously, labor was only bad the last hour of it all, so with that said....theoretically, this labor could go super fast. That makes me ecstatic!

Anyhow, after meeting with the doula, its dawned on me that I am so unprepared to take a baby home with me! First off, theres just the obvious little things like having newborn diapers around. Duh! And then theres burp rags, recieving blankets, and how about NEWBORN BABY BOY CLOTHES!? Crap...

I suck.

Fishing With Daddy

2008-08-19T16:35:00.001-07:00

Fishing With Daddy
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

We took our Hero to Moses Lake to drop him off. He's gone now....at least until the baby is born. And then he may not be able to get leave. But at least theres a chance of seeing him before a years up. Ugh...

It was a long day of "hurry up and wait" stuff...I wont even go into it all, except to say that I spent the day in the truck with the AC, due to it being scorching hot and no AC in the Moses Lake Armory. Whats up with that?!

Well, the monster got to go fishing one last time until next year, although with her developing fears of stuff (wolves, bears, FISH....) the fishing outing only lasted all of 10 minutes. Oh well. Its the thought and the memories that count. And the pictures...

Ten Days...

2008-08-11T16:24:00.001-07:00

Rose
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

So, we picked up Steve on Friday and had all weekend together. Now Im back to work and Steve is busy checking off items on my honey-do list and his own personal list of crud to get done before his deployment.

Ten days.

Thats all we have...and I admit that I started to get depressed last night when he was mapping out how he was going to fill those last few days at home. There's just so much to get done and so little time. But I suppose we have to cherish and savor these last few days, because if I blink, he'll be in gone.

So, Im 32 weeks pregnant now and am feeling like a huge, clumsy forgetful blob. I couldnt remember the word "absentminded" last night and when I finally remembered it, I couldnt remember why I was trying so hard to think of it. Im starting to swell now and its so gross that I cant stand to look at my legs. I actually indented so much in my shins yesterday that it looked like a shark had taken a big bite out of my leg and I had healed over...like a piece of me was missing. Ew!

I decided to mow the lawn again (only half of it this time) and I think I overdid it. I started having braxton hicks like mad and was so tight and uncomfortable, I had to take a bath and go to bed. I had meant to stay up with Steve and watch movies while cuddling, but I felt so horrible. Ugh.

On a way more positive note, Steve brought me a pretty rose today. He was out running errands at Ft. Lewis and stopped in real quick. I think he's home finishing the mowing that I stopped half way though this weekend. *lol* What a sweety....

I love that man.

Fallen Cakes

2008-08-02T22:23:00.001-07:00

Jada Eating Batter
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

Monster and I stayed up late to cook a cake. But the cake fell. Damn it. Im a cookie baker, not a cake baker. So, I had no idea that you really have to follow directions and maybe toddlers are not the best ingredient to add to the mix.

The Monster enjoyed the batter though.

So, today we went to Renton to pick up some stuff I found on Craigslist. I got a navy and cream bassinet, a blue bouncer and a cute jungly swing for the baby. All for $30. Now thats a steal. I also ordered some "temporary" dressers from Walmart a couple weeks ago and they're awaiting pickup from Steve. We had always agreed that we needed tall dressers in our room to make space. We have two LONG dressers now and the room is just too crowded. Well, since I want to have room for the baby in our little bedroom, I thought that now is the best time to get the dressers. I didnt want to get expensive nice ones since I figured we'd be buying a nice bedroom set when we buy our house. And that wont be until Steve gets back from his deployement. So, until then, I thought cheap but nice looking ones will suffice.

Today, the Monster and I also went to Madigan and dropped off some calling cards to one of Steves soldiers. Apparently, there was a rollover accident during a training session and there were some injuries. One of Steves guys had to be taken all the way to Madigan for surgery on his face. The poor guy looked so young and miserable. His only family is his brother, whos still in Yakima training, and his mother, who lives in Hawaii. After I left him, I wished I had brought him some magazines or something, because he looked so bored and stressed. He was about to go in for the surgery when we left. He couldnt be older than 20 years or so.

I hope its not an omen, this whole accident in Yakima. They're getting injured like this here in the states, where people actually need surgery and stuff...how will that translate to when they are in a war zone...?

Sometimes this deployment seems a little harder to bare, because I DO know what happens over there. Last time, things were such an unknown for me....but this time, Im armed with too much knowledge.

Crabby Two Year Olds

2008-07-26T21:17:00.001-07:00

Braided hair
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

I know, I know. It comes with the territory of having a toddler. But seriously...is it necessary for them to be such horrible little monsters?

The monster is still running a low grade fever, although today it may be gone. She's still really crabby and took a 3 1/2 hour nap today, which tells me she's still battling out the virus thats taken over the "good monster". She even went to be without much of a battle even though she slept an hour and a half more than usual.

I tried to take her to Babies R Us, which makes some adults crazy and anxious...but I assumed with all the toys and stuff she'd be all happy. But then again, Ive never actually taken her to a Toys R Us type of place before. I shouldve known. Toddlers and toy stores are a no-no. A big no-no.

After dragging her away kicking and yelling from a play kitchen set, I hoped that I could just make a quick decision on a new carseat for the new baby. Well, after Jada rearranged some excersaucers and placed them in different departments, I figured it was time to go. No carseat shopping for me. I did decide that I liked the Chicco KeyFit ones that I saw and somehow was able to make a quick call to my moms hubby for advice....but once I had to chase the monster across the floor as she crawled like a baby slipping and sliding herself in front of oncoming carts, I hightailed it out of there. I had a super sexy sheen of sweat all over my face and Im pretty sure I thanked the heavens that I remembered deoderant that day, as I buckled the monster into the car. *sigh*

And Im supposed to do this alone with a newborn too? I cant wait.

PS. On a positive note, the monster let me braid her hair this morning into a headband. I didnt know if she had enough hair yet to do it, but she does! Super cute...

Weekend Warrior

2008-07-20T21:12:00.000-07:00

In my 7th month of pregnancy, with baby bump big enough to shade my feet from sunlight, I congratulate myself on mowing the lawn. Yes, I, who have not mowed since 1998, have lived to tell the story. And this lawn that we have is a decent sized lawn. Not horribly big, but definitely more grass than my lawn ten years ago. That was a little patch int he front and a teeny bit bigger patch in the back. Steve and I have an ugly brown, yet covered with dandelions, lawn that has hazards like mole hills and a huge hole dug up from the landlord.

Honestly, I knew I could do it, but was more nervous about the fact that Ive never used the new lawn mower Steve bought a couple months back. Oh, and trying to mow and keep an eye on a toddler...and yes, there was a little trepidation about how well my pregnant body could handle the exhaustion. Remember, Steve had just insulted me on how out-of-shape I sounded on the phone the last time we spoke.

I did quite well. And the monster was wonderful. I had warned her that "Mommy hasnt mowed in a long time and I might need you to cheer me on and tell me Im doing ok." After the first 15 minutes of me figuring out where the "choke" was and then pulling a muscle in my arm from yanking on that one thingy-bob...Jada couldnt hide her amused-yet-worried look from me. She was in her "house" (the little climbing outdoor toy with a slide) watching me struggle. I ran over a mole hill and blew dust and rocks everywhere...I had wished afterwards that I had done my inhaler first because I had a coughing fit after it was all done and said. In the end, though, the lawn was mowed and Jada played safely far away from me. Good girl!

I had to take a picture and send it to Steve in Yakima to brag. I was really proud of myself.

Steve called about an hour ago and we finally got to catch up. Its been over a week and he's only been able to stay on the phone long enough to let Jada say goodnight or babble a bit about her day. Ive been missing him.

PS. The monster has laryngitis and is so sick now. Fever and thick phlegmy coughs with gross things oozing from her nose. Poor baby. No "school" for her tomorrow. That means not getting much work done for anyone at the office tomorrow. Yikes.

Smoother Sailing

2008-07-16T21:30:00.000-07:00

The monster is slowly adjusting to "school". She still cried when I drop her off, but she's not crying all day long so that when I pick her up her face is all swollen and puffy. Thank god. That was really stressing me out and giving me anxiety. She is so happy when I spy on her before letting her know Ive arrived. She's always playing or eating a snack all content like. And when I call her name, she looks so excited and runs into my arms to give me kisses all over my face. She's my wonderful, heart-swelling monster. I love her to death! I cant help but feel so happy inside and smile when I think about her. It counter-acts my sadness at Steve being gone.

She's even being less of a grump when we get home. She'd been pretty evil and good at giving me a hard time the last week or two. But the last two days have been a huge improvement. I think that me sticking to our routine has helped and making sure I sit down with her a little extra for one on one time is doing a service to her "monsterness". I hate transitions.

So Steve called today. He and I spoke a little and he wanted to know how the monster was doing with daycare. He had the nerve to say that he thought I was out of shape due to my huffing and puffing on the phone. Apparently I forgot to tell him I was in my 7th month of pregnancy bliss, and that I spend my time chasing a two year old around the house. He's been gone 5 days! Im pretty sure I had a huge pregnant belly when he left...

Men. *shaking head*

So, we're going to go pick him up on the 8th of August...if the military doesnt change things around, like they have a tendency to do.

I miss him!

PS. Heres a link to a short video of some of the training they're doing in Yakima. (Although, I dont think Steve is doing this particular thing...)

Missing Steve....Already.

2008-07-15T21:18:00.001-07:00

Kiss
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

*sigh*

Well, its only been 4 days and I already miss Steve. It could be worse. I could be crying as I type this.

I havent really heard from him, except for a text that said he didnt recieve the MMS I sent of the monster and a quick phone call lasting all of 2 minutes. He had called to let me know that he had finally gotten the monster onto DEERS and upped the life insurance. The life insurance part kind of gave me the creeps. Sort of like a wierd omen...like why does he feel the insurance needed to be upped? Does he expect to die? *chills*

Anyways, I just read an article about some families dealing with the same stuff as I am. Made me tear up a bit and inspired me to blog tonite.

I cant believe that Im already 7 months pregnant and that Steve will be gone when I give birth. Hopefully he will be granted leave to come visit once Hunter is here...but Im not gonna hold my breath.

Im going in the day after tomorrow for another ultrasound to make sure this second monster inside me isnt going to be enormous....Ive done the Gestational Diabetes test (again) and hope that it didnt come back positive this time. I hear Id have to give up carbs. I think that should be totally illegal, dont you? Especially pregnant...

Anyways, I need to go do the dishes and throw in a load of laundry.

Dropping off Daddy

2008-07-13T21:40:00.001-07:00

Multimedia message
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

Well, we dropped Steve off in Pullman on Friday. The drive wasnt anywhere near the nightmare I was prepared for. Thank god!

It was sad, but not too bad. I think its because I know he'll be home soon before the actual shipping out. Although, thats not even really shipping out. Not to Iraq or Kuwait, at least. But the next time he leaves us, we probably wont see him again until next year. THATS whats gonna be sad. And somewhat scarey...

Since we drove to Pullman in Steves truck, its still out front and the monster keeps cheering and clapping with her declaring, "Daddy's here!!!" I keep having to remind her that we drove Daddy to work the other day. Oh well...Although it does give me some anxiety. I worry that she'll start getting upset because Daddy STILL isnt home...when she wakes up, she runs to our bedroom to look for him and then turns me and asks where he is. It already breaks my heart.

Anyways, Ive been battling a little head cold thats starting to aggravate this odd asthma thingy Ive developed during this pregnancy. Its gone down to my chest and I have this super thick phlegm that Im having trouble getting up. And so on top of the tightness in my chest, I can hardly breathe due to the phlegm.

Ugh...I always get sick when Im stressed.

Oh, and by the way, we put the monster into daycare, which she calls "school". Its been awful. For everyone. The first week was pretty good and I was amazed at how well the monster took the transition. Well, that was the honeymoon, because the next week was a nightmare. She cried the whole day, which was only from 9am to right after nap around 2:30pm. When I would pick her up, her face would be swollen and puffy from crying and she would jump into my arms and kiss my whole face. I totally battled my own tears after dropping her off in the mornings that week. Just awful. I eventually tried picking her up just before naptime so that she could try easing into the daycare situation with a smaller chunk of time. The director thought that the other kids were too overwhelming for her. So, I hoped that going slowly would help her get used to them. The second day of picking her up early was way better and the teachers even said that they were going to call me in case I wanted to try leaving her until after nap instead. I was so relieved. Im worried that having a three day weekend might make this third week a disaster again.

We'll see....

So much stress....

Update

2008-07-08T07:25:00.001-07:00

Fourth of July 2008
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

Fourth of July was amazing, in all aspects. And not necessarily amazing in a good way....*smirk* Although it mostly was in a good way...

Toddlers and schedules go hand in hand, so when we messed up the monster's schedule, we payed for it. Oh, man, we were punished.

The monster had a blast for the most part and I was just hot and bothered. My wonderful husband was mostly patient, and even went on a mission to find me an elephant ear and sparkly stuff for the monster, while she and I sat and played in the grass. We had bought a wagon the weekend before to take to the "Taste of Tacoma" so we were all decked out and prepared for the worst. Love those things...so much storage and pretty cool to look at. We got the Radio Flyer that comes with a canopy for shade/rain. The monster insists on riding in it, which is not something she'll do for the stroller. Plus it converts into a regular wagon without the seating so she can lay down if she gets sleepy. That came in soooo handy. Although, she never actually slept.

But all in all, the Fourth of July (the first in three years, out in public) was super. Especially since my hero is leaving for Iraq soon.

In fact, this Friday we're driving him over to Pullman for his last drill. Im assuming they'll be training in Yakistan. Then he can come home for ten days before leaving once again. But that time will be the actual dreaded deployment. D-day...

Childcare Frustrations

2008-06-20T23:06:00.001-07:00

Fathers Day 2008
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

Oh wow.

You wouldnt believe what happened today. The office was closed somewhat early today, so I took it upon myself to go home and do some cleaning (alone!) while the monster was being watched at her usual babysitters home. I had spoken with *K* earlier in the day and knew that her husband had taken the monster and his daughter to McDonalds to play on the bigtoy and have lunch. She said I could probably go run some errands since they wouldnt be home until later. Apparently, without my knowing, she decided to take the oppurtunity herself to get her nails done or something too.

So, while Im at home, I get a call from my mother telling me that she has my daughter. I ask her why and she tells me this horrible story of how her husband discovered the monster in the front yard yelling out for him with no adults to be found. When he went to go talk to her (remember she's only 2yrs old!) he found the babysitters daughter (who's barely 6yrs old) outside by herself also. After some interrogation, he discovers that *K* was gone and her husband was inside watching a coworkers baby boy. Well, he decides to find out how long it takes for the husband to notice that the two year old he's supposed to be watching is missing. He took the monster into his backyard, which is immediately next door to the babysitters home, where he could keep an eye on her. The monster loves her "Papa" as she calls him and didnt mind playing over there...

Well, apparently, 20 minutes had passed by the time my mother decided to go next door and gather the monsters belongings. The babysitters door was still wide open and their 6yr old daughter was still playing outside by herself with no adults around. The babysitters husband sort of stumbled out looking like he'd lost something just as my mother walked up to the door. She asked him, "Hi. Did you lose something? Where's my granddaughter? So.....where IS my granddaughter, Don?" He then looked at his daughter and asked HER where she was... My mom apparently then went off on him and told him that his daughter was not responsible for the monster and that he was the adult.

Im thoroughly horrified and got somewhat hysterical when my mother told me what had happened. Of course, I started crying and all I could think about was all the horrible things that could have happened to my baby girl. She could have been kidnapped, she could have wandered into the road and been hit, she could have fallen off their wall and onto the cement driveway below....she could have been like that story of the toddler gone missing and found half a mile away by some pedophile. My poor baby.

The thing is, Ive had issues with the babysitter for awhile now. But most of the problems I had were little. Most. Like how she wont enforce naptime and my little monster then becomes exhausted by 4pm and either crashes in the car and then wont go to bed on time, or she becomes a huge pain in my ass. Or how the babysitter lets her become sunburned every summer. Or how she doesnt feed her the main meal that I pack and lets her just eat the snacks and goodies...which, in my humble opinion, contributed to her losing weight about 6 months ago and her recent iron deficiency. But one of the big problems I had was the most recent issue of *K* taking out my little girls carseat and putting her into a booster without my permission or knowledge. I only found out one day when I offered to help put her into *K*'s car. Not only did the babysitter not ask me if that was okay, but my monster isnt big enough to be IN A BOOSTER! Its totally unsafe!

Apparently, she felt that there wasnt enough room in the backseat to have two boosters and a carseat...so she took out the carseat...and someone that shoud have been in a booster was not? I wish she'd gotten pulled over and handed a huge ticket for that carelessness.

So, anyways, her husband showed up when I went to go pick up my little girl. He apologized and said something about how he'd really thought hard on how he had messed up and could have done better. I basically told him that Id be giving them a call this weekend after I had talked with my husband about it all and that I was really uncomfortable with bringing my monster to their home now. That it was my job as her mother to keep her safe and that I didnt think that they could provide that for her.

Im soooo mad.

Puyallup Farmers Market

2008-06-14T12:43:00.001-07:00

Decorating Birdhouse
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

Aahhh....

I love markets. I had been meaning to go to the Puyallup Farmers Market since it opened in May, but somehow it always got put on the back burner. Well, last weekend, my mom went and brought back a very cute tutu for the monster. I was sooo jealous that I hadnt gone and found it myself that I made specific plans to go this weekend.

And we just got back.

While *S* slept, the monster and I snuck out to the market (which starts at 9am) to see if we could find some goodies to bring back. Monster was getting tired before we even parked and wanted to go home, but I told her how fun it was going to be and she perked up a bit, repeating "munkay" over and over. I think it was "market" that she was trying to say.

Well, it was damned fun! We ate berry cobblers and had fresh lemonaide. The monster squealed about every dog she saw and showed every elderly lady her "baby" which she insisted on bringing in a little basket from home. She picked out a bracelet for her doll and a necklace for herself. We played on the "weeee!" (bigtoy slide) and picked out flowers to bring home. I found a cool booth with beautiful birdhouses decorated with seaglass, beads, and rocks. At that booth, the monster got to decorate a birdhouse to bring home. We're going to present it to *S* tomorrow for Fathers Day. She was very proud of herself.

Just before we left, we came across a man making balloon animals, so we had to stop and get one too. She got a blue poodle!

All in all, the two hours we were there were super fun and exhausting. My left hand got numb from carrying everything and the monster was thoroughly pooped. She passed out in her "big girl bed" as soon as we got home.

Whew! What a morning...

Playing on the "Big Girl" bed...

2008-06-07T22:49:00.001-07:00

Playing on the "Big Girl" bed...
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

The monster took a good nap on her bed with no tears today! Im so proud of her (and relieved). She's currently sleeping for the night in it too.

After she'd had breakfast this morning, I pulled the mattress from the crib off and put it in the toddler bed frame (which had been sitting there bare since last weekends debacle). She immediately jumped on it and helped me put her "babies" to bed. I put her coloring tray up there and let her play on it, in hopes of her getting more comfortable with the idea of a bed versus crib.

Well, I put her to bed for a nap on it after running around town on errands and hopefully pooping her out. She laid in there quietly for about 15 minutes, but then couldnt take it any longer. I heard her crying but tried not to go in to comfort her too soon. When I finally did go to check on her, she was attempting to open her bedroom door while crying like a banshee. Ach!

She practically jumped into my arms and burried her face in my neck . In my head I knew that if I didnt give it a good try this weekend, Id have to struggle for weeks to get her to transition to the bed. So...I sat on her bed (praying I wouldnt break it with my pregnant self) and did like old times. I rocked and sang her to sleep.

And damn, she's heavy now...

Once she was sufficiently passed out, eyes rolled back and mouth half open, I snuck her back on her bed and tip-toed out. Woohoo!

She slept her usual 1 1/2 hrs and awoke peacefully. I worried she'd be pissed once she discovered herself in the bed and not the crib, but she just woke up like usual and laid there playing with the balloon tied to her bed and her "baby". When I knew she was awake, I popped in her room and made a huge deal of how wonderful it was that she was a big girl now and had slept in her "big girl" bed all by herself. She threw back the covers and agreed wholeheartedly. "Yeah!" she said... Ha!

So, theres the pre-deployment briefing thing going on at the armories tomorrow and Ive since decided not to go to Moses Lake. Steve once again told me that it was 11am. I had it all planned for the 1pm time frame and now that its been changed once again, I gave up. Im thoroughly frustrated and annoyed with the Washington State National Guard.

I probably will go to the Kent Armory and attend that briefing with the monster though. I just really wanted to be with *S* and not be the loner wife with no soldier by her side.

Im so having hormonal issues, its not even funny.

Pre-Deployment Woes

2008-06-07T13:57:00.000-07:00

Its so hard with *S* being in a different unit now. When *S* was with HHC, I knew everything that was happening and was very well informed, but this time around, I know nothing. I have to rely on *S* to tell me what I need to know. And, honestly, thats not working out so well.

Tomorrow is the Pre-Deployment Family Meeting at various armories. I was going to just go to one in town by myself, but Ive since changed my mind. I want to go where *S* will be. And that happens to be in Moses Lake, WA. Ugh! Its a 3hr drive from here and Ill be packing a toddler along too. Fun!

The thing is, I originally got an email from Terrylee, an FRG Volunteer leader that I helped last year, that said the meeting was going to be at 1pm. Well, *S* recently told me two different times, none of which match Terrylee's time. Then, *S* tells me that theres childcare provided and that they arent going to want kids around interrupting. Well, Im pretty sure the monster will melt down and be scared with a bunch of strangers in an even stranger place away from Mom and Dad. I just dont think thats gonna work. So, after getting frustrated with the vague and incorrect sounding info from *S*, I emailed Terrylee to find out what was going on. She emailed back this morning and told me that *S* was probably giving me the soldiers time to be there (they're drilling) and not the family time. And that she emailed the FRG leader in Moses Lake to seek me out and get my info so that I can be part of the loop and know what is going on. She also mentioned that the last she heard, there was no childcare for Moses Lake. *rolling eyes*

I love *S*, but his new unit sucks ass.

PS. We got the monster a toddler bed last weekend, but have been unable to persuade her to sleep in it. I somehow managed to get her to fall asleep in my arms and secretly slipped her into the "big girl" bed an hour ago for nap-time. Mwahahaha!

Outings

2008-05-31T20:53:00.001-07:00

Playing at Grandmas
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

We've had a busy week. Around Memorial Day, at least.

We were supposed to go camping down at Mossyrock, but the weather looked bad and there were supposed to be thundershowers. I didnt want to have to spend the night in a tent with a two year old in the middle of a rainstorm with scarey (to her, at least) lightening. That sounded like too much drama for me. So, we skipped the camping and threw the $20 camping reservation fee out the window.

Instead, we went to Seattle. That was fun. On Sunday, we took the monster to the Science Center. As kids, my mom used to take us all the time in the summer and its like a second home. Even at 28 years young. Monster had a blast. This was Steves second time going. I took him once a long time ago. Back when we were first dating.

The day before, Saturday, my mom and Dale went to Idaho to pick up a puppy they bought from a showdog owner. Apparently she's a good breeder, which I was a bit paranoid about after watching Oprah's show on Pennsylvania breeders. Ugh. Anyways, the monster and I went to their home and babysat the other dogs while they were away. It turned into a very hot day and I wasnt prepared. I had to take the monsters clothes all off and just let her run around naked in the backyard with sunscreen lathered on. I, on the other hand, just sweated to death. No way was I gonna run around naked in my fluffy state.

The picture I added to the entry is the monster playing in the doorway.

So, Memorial Day, I took Steve and the monster to Seattle again to ride the Argosy Cruise ship for a tour of the harbor. That was nice. Monster ran up and down the inside of the "bope" (boat) and Steve had a beer and enjoyed the sights. I relaxed in the second floor of the boat and drank a sprite with my feet up. I had been having cramps and my left foot was beginning the oh-so-familiar swelling again. If you check out my flickr account, you can see all the pictures I took.

So, all in all, the weekend was fun.

PS. I heard my cousins might be expecting a baby too!

Heat Wave in Western Washington...5/17/08

2008-05-17T16:48:00.001-07:00

Heat Wave in Western Washington...5/17/08
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

Lord have mercy.

We just had a week of mid 50's at best and before that we had snow....so this near 90 degree weather is just about gonna do me in. I have all the windows shut tight and the shades drawn in the back of the house, where the sun is shining through..and I brought out the portable AC unit I bought at Costco last year.

And Im still hot.

Monster is with "Miki" and "Papa" at a birthday party for one of her step-cousins. And hubby is at work! Woohoo! If it werent so hot, Im sure Id be much more productive. Ive been so excited about today because I planned on getting tons of cleaning and stuff done. But with the heat and the excessive sweating (gross!) Ive only accomplished maybe a quarter of what I wanted to do.

Theres still time!

Anyways, Jada has taken the first step in calling my mother "Grandma". She's been saying Papa for her Grandpa and has graduated to naming a fellow child thats with her at her babysitters by name. But the whole grandma thing has been a hard one for us to persuade her to say. So, a week ago, monster and I sat on the couch and I was trying to get her to repeat "Gramma" or something similarly easy, when it came to me. Lets try her real name. "Miki" And amazingly enough, she jus repeated after me as if she were waiting years and years for me to ask her to say that. Ha! So, the only issue is that my mlother is wierded out by her granddaughter's little "buzzy voice" (as she describes it) saying, "Hi Miki....".

Hahaha!

Baby Hunter Ultrasound

2008-05-16T13:49:00.001-07:00

Baby Hunter Ultrasound 009
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

Yay! We had the ultrasound done and its a BOY!

He looks healthy, has all the necessary body parts, and is very active. I've been feeling him hop and kick around for a couple of weeks now, so that was no surprise. Apparently, he's a big guy for his age. Supposedly he's 19 weeks and 4 days, but he's measuring around 21-22 weeks. Uh oh. Monster was just a little bitty thing. Although, I do remember measuring about 2 weeks big at some point too. She was born at a teeny 6lbs. 9oz...which I was very grateful for (being we had a natural birth). So, if this baby boy turns out to be a big one, well, that'll suck.

Otherwise, everything in Sleep Deprivation Land is well. Carpal tunnel is kicking up again, like the first pregnancy, so I expect to be sleeping even less soon.

Yay for boys!

Post Dental Appointment

2008-05-08T14:38:00.001-07:00

Post Dental Appointment
Originally uploaded by tmesiab

Took monster to the dentist today. She was fabulous! Shocked me to see how good she was and stuff. No tears, no biting, no kicking...I wish she was like that for me when I try to brush her teeth.

We were put in a little room with some toys and a couple of waiting room type chairs. And when the dentist came in he had me put her in my lap and we tipped her backwards so he could check out her little teeth. She was a bit nervous and kept her little hands in fists up by her chest (in case she needed to sock him real good in the chin?). He scraped a bit, counted her teeth and told her how good she was doing. Then he painted her teeth with flouride and that was that.

Once we were outside and in the car, she was so excited to play with her new toothbrush and the little mirror the dentist said she could keep. She took the mirror and kept trying to pry open her horsey's mouth, somewhat like the dentist had to do with her...

Yay! Im so proud of her!

Theories....

2008-05-02T12:05:00.000-07:00

My husband is notorious for accidental splashes of you-know-what on the toilet...espeically at night. Well, I have this theory that I came up with the other night.

Men are sometimes dogs (although I personally compare my husband to a silverback gorrilla). And dogs tend to mark their territory. In the night, my husband unconsiously marks me as "his" by peeing on the toilet seat so that I unwittingly will sit upon it and be marked. I tend to wake up frequently, being that Im 4 months pregnant, and in the spirit of being quick with my numerous trips to the potty, never put on my glasses. Therefore, I always sit on pee...thus marking my ass as his.

PS. This was a funny article brought to our attentiona at work by our super funny MA...

Mmmm....Dreams....

2008-04-25T09:54:00.000-07:00

I walk into the packed nightclub, wearing a black slinky dress with high heels. My thin, fit body feels wonderful and I know I look hot. I flash my ID and saunter up to the bar, thinking Ill get myself a nice martini while I wait for my husband. The bartender finally notices me and can tell that I need a drink. He tells me that he's going to invent a drink for me and all the other patrons shoot annoyed looks at me...the bartender tells me he calls this drink a "Volvo (something or other)" and starts walking out from behind the bar to personally hand me my martini. I'm so relieved to have someone finally catering to me and my needs. I turn and start walking towards the bartender and...

...then the alarm beeps loudly. And Im awake.

Damn.

Two Year Monsters

2008-04-22T10:18:00.000-07:00

Okay...

So I know that the terrible two's are something that we just have to deal with. You ride the ride and try not to fall off and get hurt. But seriously...my monster is really getting to me. She is a two headed monster. One head is sweet and kind and careful and everything good. The other is like a spitting llama. You dont want to get too close.

Last night was pretty much one of the worst nights since she was an infant and having episodes of colic/baby reflux. See video for a teeny tiny clip of my nightmare. And please note that by this time we had both been up since 1am (it was 3am) and previously every hour on the hour.

Contemplation and Worry

2008-04-13T10:36:00.001-07:00

So, *S* will be deploying in a couple of months. Just before the newest monster is to arrive. Part of me regrets a little the fact that our planning (if you want to call it that) was way off, in regards to birthing when *S* will be home, but a bigger part of me knows that you jsut cant hold off on life during these deployments.

The first time around was alot different. Mainly because there were no babies and we were so fresh. Gawd, its amazing how a little under 3 years of "life" can just change so dramatically. Deployments and post-deployments age relationships real quick. Then add babies to the mix and you better get stock in hairdye for all the grey hair you'll develop.

I wonder what was worse...the actual year apart....or the post-deployment-PTSD-who-the-hell-are-you-now reintegration period.

Anyways, every week monster gets more and more grown-up like (she's only 2yrs old) and I worry a little more about how she'll handle *S* leaving for a year. At least she wont understand the danger involved and all of that. Every day she asks where *S* is and I have to explain that he's either at work or sleeping...What will happen when its more than a couple days here and there? Will she forget him? Will she hate him? Will she blame herself? Will she blame me?

So, if we ignore all of that emotional deployment hardships, theres still the physical hardships. Im getting a little nervous and doubtful of my abilities to handle the monster and baby monster without the love of my life as backup. What the heck was I thinking getting pregnant!? At least Ill have a whole year to figure it all out.

When *S* gets back, Ill either be Super mom or Super Crazy Mom in the nuthouse...

Two Year Molars

2008-04-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

Monsters back molars are coming in! I barely remember the first set of molars arriving, but I surely will remember these. She's been somewhat of a pill since they've broken the skin.

The other night, while sitting down to eat, she put her fork down and started poking around in her mouth. I thought maybe she got some food stuck or something, but when she said "Ow, momma..." I thought I oughta take a peek. She totally opened wide and let me shine a flashlight in. And then I saw the little dot of a tooth budding through. Im not sure she understood it was a new tooth, because after all the fanfare I made about "a new tooth! Yay a new tooth!" she denied having teeth at all.

Whatever.

I wish I could grow plants like she grows teeth.

Spring Snow

2008-03-26T19:59:00.001-07:00

Wierdly enough, its snowing out right now. Im worried my little flower buds are gonna freeze and die. I wasnt born with a green thumb and am pretty sure that I will never grow anything outside of the mold I found in one of the mosters sippy cups underneath the carseat. Ugh.

Jumping on the blogging bandwagon...again.

2008-03-22T22:08:00.000-07:00

Its been awhile since Ive blogged. The main computer in our household died after a mishap with the monster. Its been sitting under the table in the kitchen for a month now. Thankfully my husband decided to get a laptop around the same time.

Now I can blog using his puter.

So...there's going to be another monster arriving in October. Aaach! Thats what everyones saying, at least. So far Ive heard the "You're doing it AGAIN!?" and the "Was it on accident?" and similar stuff. Wonder if thats a good sign or not. Im three months along now and apparently showing it. Yesterday at the office, I heard "Wow...I wondered if you were pregnant because when you stood up all I could see were your breasts!" and the "Blah, blah, blah, are you pregnant?". Thankfully I wasnt having one of those typical emotional rollercoaster days. Can you imagine? Ugh.

I told the monster that there was a baby in my tummy and she looked at me like I was retarded. She's two now. First she gave me the you-are-nuts look and then proceeded to lift my shirt up and say, "Noooo....no, momma." The tone was similar to one that I give to her when she's being silly.

Today was the Easter Egg Hunt day all over the county. I had a great plan to take the monster to Fircrest and do the toddler egg/candy hunt with *S* and my mom. The day started out okay. I got the little monster all pretty and cute in her little Costco dress and tights. I was pretty much ready except I couldnt find my makeup bag and later remembered that I left it at the office. Crap. Anyhow, monster and I had colored some eggs that morning and one of the eggs broke. I let her take the shell off and eat the egg. Apparently, as I was blow drying my hair in the other room, she was deciding not to swallow said egg. (Im feeling like puking just typing this.) Just as we're about to leave, I notice she's got something in her mouth, but she refuses to open up. I can only assume that a hardboiled egg plus toddler drool melts the egg into a disgusting, smelly mess...and so that was what was in her mouth. Well, I get her in her carseat and am starting to get my morning sickness nausea when she sputters and spits out the glob of melted egg all over herself and the seat. The smell is awful! I start wretching...she's crying her eyes out because she's messed up her outfit (yes, thats what she was crying for), and I cant get her to spit out the rest of the egg into a napkin I find on the floor. Immediately I start barfing right there on the side of my car with my little moster crying and laughing at the same time. When I get her out of the car to clean her up better, she sees my barf on the cement and points while laughing (and crying). By this time, I know we're going to be late to the Easter hunt. Inside Im cursing my husband, whose asleep in bed, unaware of the nightmare happening outside.

Eventually, I get us cleaned up and back in the car (she did spit the rest of the egg out in the hosue, thank god). By the time we get to the Fircrest Tot Lot, all the toddlers had been let loose and we made it just in time to get the last of the damp tootsie rolls in the grass. No eggs were found by us. My little monster loved it and laughed and cackled so much, it made all the horribleness of the morning worth it.

She is so not allowed to have hardboiled eggs ever again, though.

Happy Easter.

2007-08-02T14:12:00.001-07:00

Messages From the Other Side

2007-07-23T21:30:00.000-07:00

Shawnee Brown (7/11/2007 3:04:24 PM): hey everyone im in portland if you need me call my cell

Thats what I saw when Yahoo blinked on.

My beautiful monster has graduated into being able to climb up on the chairs without her step stool and somehow got up to the computer. After she completely wigged out Internet Explorer and froze the whole system, I finally had to just shut the whole darned thing off. Two hours later, when I started my computer up, that was the message that I saw...

A message from the dead.

Shawnee's Service

2007-07-22T09:22:00.000-07:00

Shawnee Ann Brown

Born September 12, 1978

Died July 12, 2007

I drove down yesterday morning to Dexter, Oregon where the service for my wonderful friend was held. I was the first of the guests to arrive. Dexter is a beautiful lake park famous for frisbee golf. The views are gorgeous and according to Chris, Shawnee's husband, they were married outside, so she should be celebrated outdoors also. She would've thought it was beautiful too.

Someone brought vodka to spike the punch, to honor Shawnee I suppose. I looked for her Cider beer but couldnt find it. I thought that she would like us to all toast her life with a swig of her favorite drink.

The service itself was nice. The chaplain that married them gave the service, so it was fitting. He spoke of her livelihood. Her love of life and living every day to the fullest. How she was remembered by her husband as never taking "no" for an answer. That made us all laugh because its well known that Chris is the sweet laid back one, and she was the spunky outgoing one.

I cried and cried. I used up half a box of tissues. I wanted to stand up when the podium was open to the audience, but was too emotional to get anything out. I wanted to say how much she would be missed. How she was a beautiful woman, inside and out. I wanted to let her daughter know that although she didnt have much contact in the last couple of years with Shawnee (Shawnee had adopted *D* out in an open adoption to a wonderful family), that she was talked about and loved by Shawnee. In fact, just a couple days before Shawnee passed away, she had IMed me on Messenger and made me look at her daughters MySpace account. She wanted to brag about how grown up she was getting. We laughed and talked about how we hoped she didnt get Shawnee's stubburn personality. She obviously had her good looks, though!

On a positive light, I enjoyed seeing all the people that I used to hang out with years ago. When *S* was in Iraq, I spent alot of time at a girlfriends home drinking beer and "learning" football. There were some other people that used to hang out with us there and it was great to share in our memories of Shawnee together. We laughed at the funny ones and nodded at the heartfelt ones.

It cannot be said that she didnt touch many, many people. She was the most loyal girlfriend anyone could have.

Rest Peacefully Shawnee

2007-07-14T22:24:00.000-07:00

One of my best friends was found dead in a hotel in Portland. She apparently went down to meet some friends and was staying in a hotel with these people. After not feeling well and having a terrible headache, she went to bed and eventually died in her sleep.

At first it was thought that she may have had an aneurysm, but it may not have been that cut and dry. I fear the worst (well, not the worst, like murder but equally as bad).

I was Shawnee's Maid of Honor at her wedding and she was the girl that got my husband and his friends to come to our table at the bar the night we met. She is the reason my husband and I met and eventually married. Its such a horrible thought to think of. I wont get "nudged" on Messenger while working. I wont get a call from her telling me that she misses me and loves me. She'll never have the joy of having children with her new husband. Her poor husband... he's being flown back to the states as I type. I cant imagine the anguish that he must be feeling. The horror that awaits him. His new reality. Which is worse? Staying in a country which caused him to earn two Purple Hearts? Or coming home to a country that failed to keep his wife safe and sound for his return?

No more heartache, Shawnee...your mother is waiting for you.

When things go wrong, things go wrong. They come in threes...so I wonder what the third devasting news will be.

In regards to Zina, there's going to be a funeral that is (surprisingly) open to the public. I called my mother to see if she wanted to attend, but I think we're all too drained by these experiences to go. My head hurts just thinking about it. We sent flowers that were to arrive today, but I think that they're lost amidst the millions of flowers that are piling up in front of the Linnik home as a memorial to the sweet girl.

She will be greatly missed.

They Found Zina

2007-07-12T21:50:00.001-07:00

Sadly, Zina's body was found. We all held onto that hope that she would be discovered alive somewhere...but deep down, I think we all knew.

We had just attended a community meeting to find out how we can help and to hear any knew updates on the case. We even started the process of setting up an account for donations to help raise the reward for any information. And being that the police are already ready to release the information that they have Zina's body, it seems to me that they already knew she was dead while the community meeting occurred. I feel jipped. Lied to almost.

Well, I suppose we'll be sending the flowers to the Linnik's now. How do you convey the feelings that one experiences to a family of a murdered child, when you know that they're drowning in their own sorrow that makes your feelings of sadness/hopelessness so small?

Flowers dont do her or her family justice. But its something...

Hendrix! No, not Jimmy...

2007-07-11T10:59:00.000-07:00

Little Hendrix has joined the world. My girlfriend gave birth to this little rock star Monday, just before midnight. A totally natural birth at the Birthing Inn (see link in earlier post) in Tacoma. Her labor was almost 24 hours long...wow!

Hendrix was 7lbs. 5oz. and totally beautiful. His mother is resting (hopefully) and trying to heal and his dad is back to work. Poor guy!

*Update on Zina: The police are holding a level 1 sex offender that has the same vehicle as described by Zina's father and apparently admitted to changing the liscence plate of the van. He also was found to have little girl panties in his home. I fear the worst for our Zina.

More Updates on Zina.

2007-07-10T10:50:00.000-07:00

Police renew appeals for help TheNewsTribune.com Tacoma, WA: "A gray Chevy van missing a front license plate had been parked in a carport next to the house in the 1200 block of 117th Street. Police towed the van away early Monday afternoon, said Tacoma police spokesman Mark Fulghum.
No one was arrested, but Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials detained an Asian male who had been questioned by police, Fulghum said.
“Right now he’s just somebody we’re talking to and we’ve not been able to eliminate him,” Fulghum said."

Labor, Reindeers and Zina

2007-07-09T22:02:00.001-07:00

My best girlfriend ever is in labor! She may be finished giving birth right now, actually...This morning she was having contractions 9 minutes apart, according to a text message she left me. By noon, she was having them a bit closer and was scheduled to go in to see the midwives at Pearl Place Women's Care to be checked. She had already been in to see how far along she was, but because the contractions were definately coming, they wanted her to come back in after lunch time. Woohoo!

Ive been calling her more than I should, leaving annoying (I'm sure) messages on her cell.

So, the monster is experimenting with how things sound while banging said item. This morning she knocked me upside the head with a wooden reindeer. Im hoping it was to hear the sound it made. She did look at me curiously after I cried out in pain. Then she proceeded to babble something only she understood, followed by another curious look with her head tipped to the side. At least she kissed me afterwards, as if to say she was sorry.

She can be such a monster.

*UPDATE ON ZINA LINNIK: Still no word. The local police held a news conference at 1pm and updated the info about the alleged kidnapper. Apparently the liscence plate numbers that we're all to look out for is 677 or 667. In my opinion, the kidnapper has to have gotten rid of the vehicle by now and is most likely not in the area still. I wish they'd broaden the search.

Where's Zina?

2007-07-08T15:34:00.000-07:00

Quiet Zina is known by my mother and I. We're praying for her safe return. She apparently was kidnapped the night of the fourth and hasn't been seen since. They're a polite and sweet family that seems very close. Hopefully, we'll hear some good news in the coming hours.

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2003779610_missinggirl08m.html

Well, here we go...

2007-07-07T20:06:00.000-07:00

I havent blogged much since having my monster...and never on anyone elses blogging site other than my talented brother's. Time just does not permit such luxeries! But since she's gotten a bit older and I feel I deserve a much needed release, I decided to hop on my old vices again. Woohoo!

The little one is asleep as I type this. That alone is something to celebrate.

Today, *S* and I took the monster to Wolf Haven in Tenino. Fun! For the adults. Not for little ones. I have to admit it was a bit hot, so therefore I was a little worried about her wellbeing on our little tour of the wolves. She was pink faced and a bit crabby. We did pen her up in the stroller with nothing but a sippy cup of water (you couldnt bring out the snacks in case the little wolverines caught wind- literally). She did amazingly well, despite it all.

She is my wonderful little moster, after all. I love her.